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Tseng x Coffee

Fandom: FFVII
Pairing: Tseng x Coffee
Theme set: Alpha
Rating: PG-13, I guess?



#1 Comfort

Tseng thinks that there's nothing quite as soothing as the buzz of caffeine, the sound of the coffee maker bubbling next to his ear-- he was a little too loud a few minutes ago and he thinks it's a good thing he's the only one left in the building.

#2 Kiss

Reeve's rough, drunken kiss reeks of coffee splashed with Mideel rum (he's had too much, Tseng thinks); the Turk pushes him away and reaches behind the exec to get at a still-warm cup.

#3 Soft

The pillow behind his head is soft and definitely his favorite; but he likes the old, chipped, Wutaian souvenier mug printed with 'ten tips to good health', that was currently balanced on his stomach and used to prop up the book he's reading even better.

#4 Pain

As the nurse fishes around in his newly-acquired bullet wound to get at the slug still buried inside, Tseng bites the inside of his cheek and comforts himself with the thought of a hot cup of coffee and extra cream-- and maybe a splash of 90 proof Costa whiskey.

#5 Potatoes

He's roasting potatoes in the oven for dinner; in the meantime, he's also searching the Shinra network for instructions on how to fuse mako with the ultimate cup of espresso.

#6 Rain

The newspaper always gets soaked when he holds it over the mug to keep the rain from diluting his coffee when the 'paper could fit fine under his jacket and could also be keeping /him/ dry-- Reno thinks it's weird and tells him this but then again, the redhead never does do paperwork.

#7 Chocolate

Chocolate doesn't mix well with coffee and he hasn't perfected making mocha cappucinoes; but when he experiments, Tseng thinks only of the end result and what would /definitely/ follow.

#8 Happiness

Happiness is a hot, not-quite-scalding styrofoam cup of coffee warming his hands when he waits on the platform for a train if traffic in Midgar's too heavy to take the car.

#9 Telephone

He never did figure out how to take the phone off the hook at home from work, but he thinks that the coffee maker in Shinra HQ works just fine.

#10 Ears

The handles probably don't count, but even if they did, Tseng doubts the cup can hear him.

#11 Name

It was called the SHX model 739 and he sees it every time they get up close and very... /very/ personal.

#12 Sensual

Tseng doesn't understand why some people consider having just-below-boiling coffee dripping down their faces torture, but maybe they just can't appreciate the burn and anticipation.

#13 Death

He nearly died the one time someone tried to shoot him in the middle of breakfast; Tseng owed his life to the now-shattered cup and swore never to drink with sugar substitute again.

#14 Sex

It was hard trying to keep the mug from spilling, but worth it in the end.

#15 Touch

He'd burned his hand on the coffee maker once, made a sacrifice to the Planet and after that, all was well.

#16 Weakness

Heavy cream and lots of sugar.

#17 Tears

Only when he chokes on it, and...

#18 Speed

... that's what they made the little plastic lids for.

#19 Wind

The wind from the chopper's blades kicked up too much dust into the air and his cup so when he got a mouthful of sand and had to regretfully dump it out the side, he thinks Heideggar's scream of pain and surprise was a lucky break and almost worth it.

#20 Freedom

He wasn't allowed more than two mugs a day when incapacitated, so it was almost with relief that Tseng sank back into his cushy office chair, all wounds healed, and began catching up on paperwork.

#21 Life

Once in the morning with a bagel, most of the morning while doing paperwork, lunch, dinner, assignments, but most importantly, overtime.

#22 Jealousy

Tseng sometimes doesn't feel so great about using heavy cream over the milk he used to like, but he doesn't let it bother him when Elena had mentioned something about chocolate being lke men: the richer the better-- he supposed it applied to coffee as well.

#23 Hands

He hasn't burned his hands on coffee since the word 'hot' became taboo in the Turks' lounge after Reno had yelled it when sliding a mug, filled to the brim, across the table.

#24 Taste

Like heaven-- and maybe the high junkies get after jacking up on mako-- only in the mouth.

#25 Devotion

Tseng's sometimes torn between the coffee maker at work versus the one at home when he's done with paperwork for the day with time to spare and ends up alternating between the two.

#26 Forever

He has no idea how long the shelf life of coffee beans is, but it doesn't really matter 'cause the issue's never come up before.

#27 Blood

It's nothing, new, actually, but if the bleeding doesn't stop in a couple minutes, then the coffee was going to taste awful.

#28 Sickness

Tseng wishes he could dump the chicken soup out his window and brew himself a nice big tub of coffee, but he doesn't really have the energy or motivation to do anything but allow Aeris to guilt-trip him into drinking her stupid soup.

#29 Melody

When the coffee maker starts, it's music to his ears.

#30 Star

You can see the stars from the roof of Shinra HQ-- they're hazy and greenish, mako-tainted-- but Tseng's too busy with something else to notice or care.

#31 Home

Home is a lofty, cushy penthouse suite in an apartment up on the plates and a humble your-boss-just-died-prepare-for-promotion-and-long-nights present.

#32 Confusion

He never did quite get the concept of coffee liqueur until he stumbled across it in a specialty wine shop while hunting down a rare Icicle vintage.

#33 Fear

High on caffeine, having not slept for thirty hours straight on a stakeout in the middle of winter, Tseng's not as anxious about the outcome of this assignment so much as getting everyone home before they all froze to death.

#34 Lightning/Thunder

There's nothing quite like sitting out on a porch in Wutai watching the summer storms come and go thundering ferociously, with a cup of ice-cold coffee cooling you off between rains.

#35 Bonds

Tseng's tied at arms, waist and legs with a cloth gag in his mouth but the only thing he can concentrate on is the slowly cooling mug of coffee on the terrorist's desk, wondering what kind of beans they used.

#36 Market

Every time there's an assignment out of the city, Tseng always makes sure to check out local markets to buy more coffee beans as souveniers and gifts... but mostly for himself.

#37 Technology

Shinra HQ's vending machines were ancient and probably about to break down, but it made the best coffee in the building and Tseng almost wished it didn't because the lines got way too long.

#38 Gift

So far, he's gotten roasted Costa Cappucino, Spiced and mulled from Wutai, Mocha from Kalm and the classic from Mideel.

#39 Smile

After adding the cream, Tseng looks into the cup and smiles.

#40 Innocence

There's nothing innocent about the cream in the shape of a heart the waitress had carefully added, but Tseng only thinks that she knows too much.

#41 Completion

He's got a new espresso machine (some assembly required) and as he pops the last piece in, Tseng thinks about tomorrow morning and how his life's gonna change.

#42 Clouds

There's a cloud, Tseng thinks as he spits out a mouthful of blood, back pressed against the trunk of an old tree, that looks like a coffee maker and suddenly he feels a little homesick.

#43 Sky

Anyone looking up from the plates can see the silhouette of a Shinra chopper against the sky; they can see it drop a couple feet before recovering, too, when Tseng had narrowly saved his mug from spilling all over the controls.

#44 Heaven

He knows it's heaven when after five mugs of coffee and several hours past midnight, no urgent assignments have come in and nothing's broken into his apartment with two machine guns and a belt of bombs strapped to its waist.

#45 Hell

So there was coffee and then there was the kahlua he'd gotten from Costa del Sol and Tseng thinks he's had a little too much 'cause hell, when was the last time he'd gotten so hungover he could barely function the next day?

#46 Sun

It's too bright to look at this morning, and Tseng knows that it's a good thing he ran out of the coffee liqeur last night and the next assignment in Costa del Sol isn't due for a couple months.

#47 Moon

It's when the moon starts reminding him of a spot of cream in black coffee that Tseng realized that something might be wrong.

#48 Waves

The ground (and, consequently, the entire building) had been shaking earlier, but that wasn't what had made the waves on the surface of his coffee.

#49 Hair

He used to cut it short and spike it-- that was back in Wutai and also before he found out what longer hair could do and how much more fun it was to drink coffee like that.

#50 Supernova

He's been trying something new, and after the first sip with something like stars exploding in his mouth, he knows he isn't going to be trying anything else for a while.

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
insanepurin
Dec. 17th, 2005 09:24 pm (UTC)
...Oh my GOSH. I love you. *____________________* Despite me never having beaten FF7.

Best. Ship. EVER. These made me giggle, particulary #10. ;D
modus_amalgam
Dec. 17th, 2005 09:29 pm (UTC)
-grins- Thanks!

took me three years >>"

-coughs- And heh, yeahhh, Tseng's totally awesome, 'specially when he's high.
ex_impasse
Dec. 17th, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
I only just got Omnislash on FF7 and I haven't beaten the weapons yet. I've had it for, what, 5 or more years? >>;;

OH. MY. GOD. That just wins. There are NO WORDS. XD Just... gah. XD You're my hero. xD; AWESOME. xD
modus_amalgam
Dec. 17th, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
Oooh, I'm a hero, awesome! ;] now where's that cape...?
rain_of_mind
Dec. 17th, 2005 10:32 pm (UTC)
YOU WIN AT LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING ELSE!

Oh, and internet too.

Omg this is the funniest slash ever! XD I was lolling myself silly here!
modus_amalgam
Dec. 17th, 2005 10:38 pm (UTC)
Psh, I already knoew tha-- Imean! Thankyouuu!

Heh, nice to know my crack works OK. ;]
flail
Dec. 17th, 2005 10:35 pm (UTC)
xD OMG I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD ACTUALLY PICK COFFEE!

:D Thank you~ -runs off- Yer awesomes~

*heart*
modus_amalgam
Dec. 17th, 2005 10:38 pm (UTC)
-dies- Yeah, I didn't either, but hey, they said yes. >>"
flail
Dec. 17th, 2005 10:59 pm (UTC)
i'd wanted to do Squall x Coffee, but didn't think they'd go for it, so i picked something else.

D: at least you can have two. -applies for her second-

aha. for some unknown reason, this just made my day slightly better. xD;

*heart*
turk_elena
Dec. 17th, 2005 11:07 pm (UTC)
Ohmigod.

BEST.

Slash.

EV. ER.
modus_amalgam
Dec. 17th, 2005 11:09 pm (UTC)
-dies- I'm not even sure if it really counts as slash, considering it's Tseng and like... coffee... but whatever works? ;D
turk_elena
Dec. 18th, 2005 05:01 am (UTC)
Well, best pairing ever anyway. :P
grayout
Dec. 17th, 2005 11:55 pm (UTC)
YES.
estranger
Dec. 18th, 2005 01:11 am (UTC)

#40 Innocence

There's nothing innocent about the cream in the shape of a heart the waitress had carefully added, but Tseng only thinks that she knows too much.

Now that waitress must be silenced before anything get's out... *grins* God that was just... I almost spit out my tea at a few of them.. mm.. Tea.... CidxTea? GAH... x.x

BUt no, babe, you are THE AWESOME.
the_beanmaster
Dec. 18th, 2005 07:50 am (UTC)
DEAR GOD.

My new OTP, dear. Almost beats out Reno x Booze, I think...
tomi_the_god
Dec. 19th, 2005 12:54 pm (UTC)
mwahahaha *dies laughing*

you'l have me on your conscience.
f***ing brilliant genius. awesome!

tnx
shanaqui
Dec. 20th, 2005 01:44 pm (UTC)
Hey, I'm commenting on behalf of the mod of ff_press, a Final Fantasy newsletter. Links are collected for all sorts of Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts fics, art, and whatever, and I'm collecting links from 1sentence for the newsletter. ^^; Is it okay for ff_press to link to this or would you rather not? ^_^

(God, I feel bad for spamming loads of people in the comm with the same message. Dx But I really want to help out with ff_press. Sorry!)
modus_amalgam
Dec. 20th, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
s'alright with me. =]
_smileyface
May. 24th, 2007 09:13 am (UTC)
O.o

Although my jaw is in need of picking up from the floor, I have to say that this is SHEER GENIUS.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )